Children of the Tyrant Mother–II

April 10, 2008 by  


By Elder George

The route to adulthood begins at infancy and the home acts as the development center for this journey. The home environment teaches children how to relate to the opposite sex as they observe the relationship between their mother and father. It also enables their unique gender characteristics to unfold according to their age.

Boys raised in the environment of the tyrant mother have difficulty in relating to other boys because their manly traits received insufficient development. They have difficulty succeeding in any endeavor as adults. They can’t quite grab the brass ring. They need mother’s approval for what they do. They tend to associate more with women than men because the social environment of their home consisted primarily or completely of women. Also, they search for the nurturing and compassion that was denied them in their childhood. They have become losers. Most of them know that they are losers. It creates tremendous resentment within them knowing they have smarts but limited success.

Every boy wants to grow up to be a man—a real man—and doing so without a roll model to emulate causes confusion, self-doubt, insecurity, frustration, and anger. Most societies throughout the world recognized the importance of developing manhood and developed various forms of “rights of passage” to lead boys into manhood. At a certain age they were removed from the direct care of their mothers and placed under the supervision of men so that their manly characteristics could be developed and honed. Associating with men and boys developed a sense of comraderie; a sense of trust, cooperation, and understanding. They became secure in the company of their brothers and learned to work together in many endeavors.

Girls, even those raised by a tyrant mother see how mother works, dresses, shops, and socializes. She sees other women come to the house and hears what they talk about. She learns about womanly things. What does a boy learn in a home without a father in it?

I became aware of the importance of a masculine environment not only as a child, but also as a father. My first child was a boy followed by two girls. One day my son said to me “You go to the office all day, you don’t know what it’s like to live in a house full of women.” Eventually we had a fourth child, a boy, but when his older brother went off to college he said to me, “You go to the office all day, you don’t know what it’s like to live in a house full of women.” They lived in a home where dad was at the dinner table every night, where dad played chess, touch football, and took then sleigh ridding. Can you imagine what it is like for a boy to grow up in an environment where he never sees a man?

Boys raised in this environment are as crippled as a physically deformed person. Their psyches have become deformed. They become sensitive to female criticism because moms were the only authority in their homes and to be criticized by her was dangerous. Women do not like to marry a man with a strong mother behind him. They want their own real man. They are finding the pickings very slim, because tyrant mothers can’t raise real men and society no longer places an emphasis on raising them.

Elder George’s website is www.mensaction.net and he can be reached at 212-874-7900 ext. 1329.

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